Where The Wild Things Are Nothing Ever Happens...Fucking Ever!

Where The Wild Things Are is a simple story, a classic tale of boy bites mother, then runs away to guilt her into forgiving him. I finished watching this steaming pile of ass that Spike Jonze has unleashed upon the world and felt like hunting him down and punching him in throat for wasting 1 hour and 40 minutes of my life. I am finding it hard to write as my mind is still trying to figure out what the fuck just happened in this film, and so far the conclusion is...fuck all.

Our protagonist is Max, an insufferable dick who you hate, instantly. Max was shuffling along the thin line between having an active imagination and being mental enough to consider committing to an institution, then he took a dump on the line and hopscotched right into Beautiful Mind territory. Don't believe me? In the first 20 minutes, Max manages to showcase the following proof that he is a nutter; he gets emotionally attached to an igloo, he goes apeshit and destroys his sisters room, bites his mum, almost strangles his dog, and gets pissed off at a fence. Basically Max wants everyone to be like him, but unfortunately for Max, everyone else is FUCKING NORMAL!!!!
So after he bites his mum he runs away because she gets angry at him, obviously, and he travels in his warped little head, to a strange island where the wild things are.

The Wild things are like the twisted bitter rejects from Sesame Street, if Sesame Street was created by the Devil himself! They are weird looking buggers and it appears that before Max turns up and names himself their King, they had absolutely no idea what to do with themselves. Max becomes attached with Carol, voiced by Tony Soprano (yeah I don't believe in James Gandolfini, as I like to believe Tony Soprano is real), who seems to have some anger issues; then there is Douglas who looks like Big Birds retarded cousin, Judith who is a fucked up horn face thing, Ira, who has a stupid nose, and the most confusing is KW, who seems to be a bit mental, like Max. At one point, after rambling on about her new friends Bob and Trevor for most of the film, when she is walking along the beach with Max, she knocks two owls out of the sky with rocks, puts them in killer headlocks and announces them as Bob and Trevor, everyone seems too scared to tell her that they are just two owls who want to get the fuck out of there, but she has convinced herself that their mad squawking is a language only she can understand, insisting they stay with her. If you watch this film under the influence of anything, I am pretty sure your brain would melt.

The main problem is, that nothing actually happens in the entire bloody movie. Literally, Max goes to this weird little place and meets these things, but then it is just a series of shitty little games and they build a fortress, and then he goes home, with nothing seemingly learned or resolved, he just does shit then turns around and pisses off. Plus, he only manages to get them to do anything by lying through his teeth, cashing cheques his ass cannot cash and telling them he made some Vikings heads explode with his magical powers and so they make him their king (yeah I know, WTF right?!). If the wild things looked behind his thinly veiled bullshit at the beginning and decided that this kid was not a magical wizard king, they could have just put the barbie on and had a sweet Max grill party, actually that would have been a much better film, shorter too.

I will say one good thing about this film though, aesthetically it is beautiful; the lighting and scenery is amazing and the soundtrack is pretty good too, working in well with what is being shown on screen. Apart from that I spent the majority of my time trying to figure out why I was still watching and why I had a strong urge to eat my own fist.

Only go see this film if you have a strong will and don't mind finishing films feeling robbed and empty.
Good luck

Till next time
Peace