I have had a conversation with my newest follower Lucy, who agrees with me that I have been on a rampage lately of writing negative reviews and it seems that I have forgotten how to enjoy film. So I am here to set the record straight, to Lucy and the rest of you, that I do like films, I just find it easier being a dick than I do being a constructive critic. Well in all honesty I will take some what of a middle ground and be nice and an asshole at the same time.
The Men That Stare At Goats was one film that I was uber excited to see. It looked brillo from the trailers and I couldn't wait to see it. It is the story of a reporter, Bob Wilton (Ewan McGregor) whose life has recently been thrown down the shitter, then flown out the other side face first into a fence made of fail. His wife has just left him for his Editor, who has one arm (to be honest this one arm thing kind of left me stumped. no pun intended, as the fact he has a mechanical arm is never even mentioned, its just kind of...there. I mean why cast that guy? Does the studio have a quota to meet on one armed staff members?), and he couldn't find a story to write about if he paid for it. As he is sitting around pickling his liver with whiskey (which is how real men deal with heartbreak...right?) he decides to make a break for it and go do something crazy. This leads him into the crazy world of the New Earth Army; a military unit founded during the Gulf War, in response to intel that the Russians had started up a psycho-military unit themselves. The New Earth Army had the goal to produce 'Jedi' (what is it with the U.S government naming shit after Star Wars?) who could fight wars with their minds and develop super duper powers, that could be used for good. Bob's quest leads him to the Middle East, where he meets Lyn Cassady (George Clooney) who was once a 'Jedi' for the NEA and who is on a quest, following visions he had received through meditation. Bob decides that trekking along with Lyn is a great idea, because Bob is stupid, and so he and Lyn plod off into the desert to pursue the story of a lifetime and to discover what Lyn's calling was all about. And thats where I will stop so I don't ruin anything
The first point I will make is how awesome the cast in this film is; I almost had an eyegasm when I saw it initially. We have McGregor, who is awesome, The Cloonester, whose epicness has been mentioned in previous posts, The Dude (used to be known as Geoff Bridgeman or something, I forget), Kevin Fucking Spacey (legend) and Stephan Lang, the only person in Avatar who I liked. So I was all set up for some epic shit right here, and for a lot of the film I got what I wanted. McGregor, Clooney and The Dude have some of the best comic timing in Hollywood, with a talent for delivering their lines perfectly squeezing the most out of every last witticism. Then we have Spacey and Lang being...just being cool...everywhere.
Thats another thing actually, the script is really bloody good, full of great one-liners and drawn out anecdotes from Lyn's past in the NEA, narrated by Bob throughout the film. One thing though Hollywood, and this really pisses me off; stop making McGregor speak in an American accent, just let him be Scottish. His American accent is awful, it feels forced and you would be better off just working it into the script that he moved to America from the UK. And on a tangent, same goes to Gerard Butler, his accent is even freakin' worse. Just Stop IT!!!!!!
Possibly the best character is Spacey's portrayal as Larry Hooper, who undermined the original NEA due to his jealousy of Lyn's talents, and has now become the proverbial asshat that you can expect him to become. And of course The Dude is hilarious as Bill Django, the man who founded the NEA and is a tiny bit unhinged, as in he is bloody mental. But both of these characters add a slightly more slapstick comedy element to the witty, written comedy that Clooney and McGregor deliver, so all the laugh-o-meter bases are covered.
Lastly, the timing of releasing this film, at the apparent end of the conflict in Iraq, is brave. Most of the backstory is true, the U.S military really did try creating super soldiers in the 80s, trying to utilize the paranormal to help win the war, a notion that goes beyond plain stupid and passes into the territory of that kid at school who used to eat glue...up to the age of 15; so the commentary that this film subtly provides on the past and present of the U.S armed forces hits closer to home in the current situation America finds itself in, which I am all for as this war is fucking retarded.
However, as I was discussing with my man Chasey the other day, The Men Who Stare At Goats just didn't strike me as the amazing film i wanted to see. Maybe I had built it up too much in my head as I was ready for a ball shriveling amount of badass testosterone filled awesome from the moment I hit play. But, and stay with me on this one, it just felt like a random sequence of scenes thrown together, I now this sounds weird, but watch it and see what I mean. The journey that Bob and Lyn took had no real accomplishment at the end, and this leads to the worst ending for a film ever; literally you have to see it to understand, but the end of this film made me cringe so hard I almost swallowed my own face. It was embarrassing, to say the least, and every screenwriter who agreed upon that ending should be set on fire, their families too. Assholes.
But I won't tell you not to go see this movie, in fact I will recommend it, just don't go in with expectations as high as mine were, as those expectations shall not be met. Aaaaanyway
Till next time
Peace
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